Where to Begin?

The end of our time in NY and heading back to Utah

First, I wish to apologize for being absent from Substack for an entire month. The last thing I posted was in the middle of May, and I am sorry to have taken such a long break.

I don’t want to go into minute detail about everything that happened, but things at the library where I was working began to get very difficult after our April board meeting, when I proposed raises for our staff, who were working above and beyond their titles (and pay) as mere clerks. I spent hours on our budget, and worked it out, made notes and copies for everyone on the board, and proposed these changes at the meeting.

Everyone took it well, asked a few questions, but seemed happy with the idea of the raises. Except the director of the library and the president of the board, who reprimanded me the next day and told me I had made a mistake in proposing that to the board, and not telling them my exact intentions beforehand. They also fired Nick, who was working at the library as well (this was also something discussed at that board meeting, where everyone agreed to keep him on). Their scolding and retaliation really came as a shock.

I apologized to both of them, and tried to smooth things over and be more communicative, but the damage was done. Things kept happening that convinced me that if I took over as director in June, it would be in name only.

So, after agonizing over it, and writing several drafts of resignation letters (trying to temper my emotions and write something fair and non-accusatory), I resigned.

Saying goodbye to the field, the pool and the line of trees that we’d grown to love on our walks.

Around this same time, a friend of Nick’s reached out to him and mentioned that if we ever wanted to come back to Utah, Nick could work with him. So, we decided to make the long journey back to Utah, bemused by the fact that it was almost exactly a year ago that we were moving out to New York.

I didn’t go across country with Nick (!), but flew out to spend some time with my sister and a niece of ours (more about that later!!), but Nick did have company, as his sister, brother-in-law and some of their kids were also traveling across country to meet their older son who was in Colorado, whose mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints was just ending.

Nick with his brother-in-law and nephews

And now we’re in that limbo space - Nick has a job, but we’re still looking for an apartment, and I’m still looking for a job! It’s been stressful, living out of our suitcases, all our things still packed up and waiting. We’ll find an apartment, and I’ll find a job. We just need to be patient. We are very lucky to be staying with friend’s of Nick’s while we look for a place.

Yesterday was the 4th of July, which we spent at my mother’s house, with siblings, nieces and nephews. My niece that I was a nanny for (for four years) was there. She’s now ten years old, but I was able to pick her up and we hugged each other close. At one point in the day, I went upstairs to my old bedroom, looking over some of my books that are still there. In the background I could hear the murmur of my husband’s voice and my brother’s as they fixed one of the toilets together. I felt a sense of fitting back into something I’ve always belonged to, my place in my family, which helps me remember who I am in a way that I didn’t appreciate until we were away from this and living in New York.

Until we are settled, which hopefully will be soon, my posts may be erratic. But I will try to do what I can. Until then, thank you for your patience, and I hope you are all keeping well yourselves.